Ask Lyle - Embarrassing Bodily Functions

Hi Lyle,
I have a bit of an embarrassing question, but I think I just have to ask, so here it goes. I'm a fairly sensitive cat and I find things very scary and tough to deal with, but what is probably the hardest thing for me is that sometimes my...litter box treasures...follow me out of that area. I am very well behaved and know that the sandy box is where I am to do my business (and frankly I like it there because it is private and safe), but I am a longer haired cat and I get what my mom refers to as "trailers" that fall off of my bum hairs somewhere in the house. First of all, I find them very disconcerting because they usually catch me by surprise and then there it is, laying in the middle of the floor for everyone to see! I just can't believe it! I try to cover it up, but there usually isn't much to use (once, my sister helped me out and dragged a slipper over one, for which I was very grateful) and I just get so embarrassed.

If that wasn't enough, I also have a problem with puking. Sometimes I get nervous that I will never get fed again and I eat too much food and then throw it up. Again, I try to cover it up, but to no avail. I am sorry for the graphic nature of these stories, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so embarrassed by these occurrences in my life, and I wish they would stop! So my question is, do you have any ways to prevent or at least lessen these things? Or maybe a way to help clean it up? Any advice is appreciated.

Thanks in advance,
Lincoln the "Leaver"

p.s. Because I am extremely smart I realized that you share a name with my brother, what a coincidence!

Dear Lovely Lincoln,

Thanks for writing in! I can't put my paw on it, but I think you look a little familiar to me too. Cabo? '07? I was wearing a shark costume. Who remembers? Anyways, I am sorry to hear that you are having a bit of a tough time with your bodily fluids (and solids). As I am sure you know, longer haired cats have some different needs than us ol' DSHs. The first problem you describe about the litter box sounds like it is the main source of your worrying. It sounds like there isn't too much that you can do differently, it is just the nature of your beautiful fur. One thing your Momma could try is grooming your back area (or having a professional groomer do so) if that problem is severe. I don't know how much you would enjoy the process, and my guess is that your Momma is trying to spare you the trying experience. If she doesn't mind picking up after you, I see no reason that you should feel ashamed. Poop happens. 

As to the upchucking you describe, your Momma will first want to consult with your vet and make sure there is nothing else going on with your health. If the vet is already aware of the situation, don't worry any further about it. It sounds like you can maybe try to slow down when you are eating...luckily there are all sorts of helpers for this problem like treat balls, special feeders, and bowls. Other than that, just try to aim the offending matter away from valuables like laptops, and if you can hit the hardwood instead of the rug, that is always much appreciated. I should know! I throw up all the time too, but because I eat things like hair elastics, ribbons, grass, cardboard boxes, and anything else I want to try. I know it may sound like I am not well cared for or something, but my Momma has tried to teach me not to do these things, with little success. I just love to try new things! YOLNT! (You Only Live Nine Times). 

Thanks for writing in, Lincoln!

- Lyle 

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